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Parents and children share a deep, emotional bond. This bond is what makes a parent’s instincts kick in, to care for and protect their child. This is extremely important for the child’s sense of worth and self-esteem.
Building this bond is vital, and usually begins during the early stages of pregnancy. But what if you are not carrying your own child, how do you and your family begin the bond that will last a lifetime?

Surrogacy and Bonding

For babies who are born from surrogacy, the bonding doesn’t have to wait until the intended parents take baby home!
Even from the early stages of pregnancy, the baby has a strong sense of smell and hearing. Through touch, smell and hearing, the baby attaches themselves to the woman carrying them.
One thing intended parents can do from the beginning is talk to the baby. The more the baby hears the intended parent’s voices, the more familiar and comfortable baby will become. As intended parents, you can even send tapes of your voice and have your surrogate play them for the baby.

If, as intended parents, you are able to, be part of the pregnancy as much as possible. Attending doctor appointments, having a baby shower and even decorating the nursery are all ways to help intended parents feel involved throughout the whole journey.

Taking the time to organize and prepare your home before the birth of your baby is vital. Nesting your home, preparing the nursery and baby proofing the house, gives intended parents a feeling of connection to the baby, and provides the feeling of parental protection, which is a vital aspect of bonding.

Before the big day arrives, intended parents will want to make sure they have everything in order. Packing hospital bags, preparing meals ahead of time and putting the finishing touches on the nursery will make the transition easier for the parents.
Once intended parents take baby home, skin-to-skin contact between baby and parent is highly recommended. The close contact will help both parent and child to build a physical bond.
Intended parents must always remember that when their newborn is fussy or upset, it has nothing to do with surrogacy.

Try not to beat yourself up about not being able to carry your own child. Grieve your losses throughout the pregnancy and once baby is born understand that babies are naturally fussy, and it has nothing to do with surrogacy.

Bonds between child and parent are extremely important for both the child and the parent. Bonding with their parents is what allows a child to feel comfortable in almost all aspects of their life, and is what allows a parent’s instincts to kick in.

Causes of Secondary Infertility


What is Secondary Infertility?
Secondary infertility is described as being unable to conceive after one has already given birth to at least one child.
Some Causes of Secondary Infertility
The causes of secondary infertility are similar to those of primary infertility. In about one-third of cases, the reason for the inability to conceive a second (or subsequent) time can be attributed to a low sperm count. Other reasons for secondary infertility are:
Damaged fallopian tubes
Ovulation problems (Lack of Ovulation/Irregular Ovulation)
In just over 15 percent of cases, medical tests indicate that the cause of secondary infertility is a combination of factors shared by both partners.
Age May Be a Factor
As a woman ages, her chances of becoming pregnant in any given month decrease. This decline in fertility starts after she reaches the age of 30. After the age of 35, the likelihood of conceiving decreases more rapidly. Since some women go through menopause at an early age, this may also be a cause of secondary infertility.
Some experts in the field of human reproduction have suggested that male fertility is also affected by age and that a decline in male fertility starts after age 35.
Stress and Secondary Infertility
Stress may also be a factor affecting male fertility. According to studies conducted in Denmark, if a man already has a low sperm count, stress exacerbates this condition. If a couple is undergoing In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) treatments, which is a stressful experience, the quality of the man’s sperm is lower.
Some over-the-counter medications, such as antihistamines and some antibiotics, have an effect on male fertility by lowering sperm count and changing the quality of the sperm (shape and/or mobility). If you plan to start or add to your family, do mention this fact to your pharmacist. He or she may be able to suggest a brand or type of medication that is less likely to affect your fertility.
Chronic Illness
Another one of the causes of secondary infertility is chronic illness. Both high blood pressure and diabetes can affect fertility. If a person has undergone chemotherapy or radiation treatments for cancer, the treatments can render the person infertile. Cancer patients are encouraged to have sperm samples or eggs frozen before undergoing treatment in an effort to preserve fertility.
Diet and Lifestyle
Being either underweight or overweight can affect fertility. Try to achieve a healthy body weight through a healthy diet and regular exercise. Smoking has also been found to affect fertility so you should talk to your doctor about medical help if you are unable to quit on your own. If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation.
When to Seek Treatment for Secondary Infertility
Some people assume that because they have had at least one child, they won’t have trouble getting pregnant again. Statistically, over 90 percent of couples will conceive within two years of having unprotected sex on a regular basis without any medical treatment. If a couple has been trying to conceive for 12 months or longer without success, a visit to the family doctor should be scheduled.
Both the male and female partner should go to the appointment since infertility (whether primary or secondary) is an issue that affects both parties. A referral to a fertility specialist for an infertility workup may be necessary, as well.
The causes of secondary infertility are numerous. If you have concerns about your inability to conceive, consult a doctor to get advice and the appropriate treatment.


Creating a Relationship with your Surrogate


It’s important during this phase of your process to establish the foundation of your relationship with your surrogate.  Here’s what I hear from surrogates about what they are looking for.

Surrogates are not looking for a new best friend. Their goal is to help you create your family and the pay-off for them is seeing you gazing at your newborn for the first time. During the process, however there are things that can help make your relationship smooth and pleasant. I always tell surrogates and intended parents that there are four things that make a surrogacy relationship work. They are trust, communication, appropriate boundaries and flexibility.

The most important ingredient in any surrogacy relationship is trust. Trust is the foundation of surrogacy and should be at the core of your relationship with your surrogate. This is not total, unconditional, blind trust, but trust as a mutual gift that you give one another. Surrogates want to feel that you trust them and that you know that your baby is in good hands. They don’t want or need to be managed by you (although of course it’s understandable that you want lots of details). If you have a solid foundation of trust in your surrogate and she in you, you will be able to relax and enjoy your surrogacy journey.

The next important ingredient in your surrogacy relationship is communication. While you and your surrogate will have a team of professionals that you can talk to throughout your journey being able to communicate with each other about your relationship and about the pregnancy will help you feel that you are really participating and it will help your surrogate feel that you really care. At the core of good communication is having clear and articulated expectations. It is totally appropriate to ask your surrogate how much and what kind of communication she wants. It is also important for you to be clear about how much communication you want. The best way to keep open lines of communication with your surrogate is to be interested in her and her life, but you can keep it light and let the relationship develop naturally.

Boundaries are an essential part of any relationship and the surrogacy relationship is no different. You can always open a boundary as the process progresses, but once you open a boundary up it is very hard to close it again. Be careful not to make promises that you can’t keep–remember your surrogacy relationship exists for one goal: to help you create your family. Intended parents sometimes make the mistake of “falling in love at first sight” with their surrogate when they meet her and realize that she is the woman who will help them fulfill their dream of parenthood. In that honeymoon phase they may reveal things or promise things that they later regret. The rule of thumb is: take it slow, be warm and authentic and have good boundaries.

The final ingredient in the surrogacy relationship is flexibility. Surrogacy is not a linear process and there are many points in the journey where flexibility will be essential. Remember that your surrogate probably has a very full life outside of the surrogacy and although your journey to parenthood may be first and foremost on your mind, she also has to think about her kids, her partner, and her job, and the surrogacy may not always be first in line for her attention. So, be flexible in your expectations of her. She doesn’t need to return your call instantly to be taking good care of her body and your baby!

Overall, your surrogate’s primary goal is to succeed at having your baby–the relationship that you have along the way is the backdrop for that unfolding story and the beginning chapter in your child’s life. When you trust each other, have good, open communication, live inside of appropriate and fluid boundaries and bring flexibility to all of your expectations you set the stage for a wonderful journey together!



Surrogacy means something different to each person it touches. For intended parents, it is the chance to finally complete their family and realize their dreams of parenthood. For surrogates, it is the chance of a lifetime to give selflessly to another family who needs them.

For both parties, surrogacy is an extraordinary journey and a deeply rewarding experience unlike any other.

Surrogacy Benefits for Intended Parents

Intended parents come from all different backgrounds — many are same-sex couples or hopeful single parents who are ready to start a family, while others have struggled for years with infertility and have exhausted their fertility treatment options. However, all of these intended parents have one thing in common: a strong desire to add to their families. For these couples and individuals, surrogacy makes this dream possible.

The advantages of surrogacy are clear to the hundreds of families who have been created in this special way. Here are just a few surrogacy benefits that intended parents enjoy:

  • Surrogacy allows infertile couples to become parents when they may not be able to have children otherwise.
  • In most cases, gestational surrogacy allows one or both parents to be biologically related to their child.
  • Surrogacy gives hopeful parents the opportunity to raise a child from birth.
  • Intended parents are involved throughout the pregnancy experience and are generally able to be present for many key milestones, from the embryo transfer to their baby’s birth.
  • Surrogacy gives intended parents the opportunity to know and form a special bond with their surrogate and her family.
  • Intended parents may face fewer restrictions with surrogacy than with adoption; those who cannot adopt due to agency restrictions on factors like age can still pursue surrogacy.
  • Surrogates have already carried other pregnancies and have a proven uterus, increasing their chances of successfully carrying a surrogate pregnancy. This may make surrogacy more likely to be successful than fertility treatments for intended parents.
  • Surrogacy gives intended parents more control and peace of mind throughout the pregnancy than they usually have with fertility treatments or adoption.

While surrogacy is not without its challenges for intended parents, it is often the answer to years of hard work and frustration for hopeful couples and individuals who have tried unsuccessfully to add to their families.

IVF babies do not have lower cognitive skills than naturally conceived children

Researchers analysed data of hundreds of UK children who had been born through IVF or ICSI (when the man has a low sperm count), testing the same groups of children every few years up to the age of 11. They found a positive association between artificial conception and cognitive development when a child was between the ages of three and five.

The study published in the journal, Human Reproduction, also shows that parents who undergo such treatments are generally older, more educated and have a higher socio-economic status than parents who had naturally conceived children. Artificially conceived babies are more likely to be part of a multiple birth or have low birth weight, however, this study finds their family backgrounds ‘override’ the possible negative effects to health that could lessen cognitive ability. The findings are significant given previous studies show a mixed picture, with some research suggesting assisted reproductive treatments can harm a child’s cognitive abilities.

Researchers Professor Melinda Mills and doctoral student Anna Barbuscia, from the University of Oxford’s Department of Sociology and Nuffield College, used data from the UK Millennium Cohort Study, a nationally representative group of 18,552 families. They analysed a sample of babies born in 2000-1 who were resident in the UK at nine months, using data from the Department of Social Security Child Benefit Registers.

Out of 15,281 artificially conceived children born in 2000-1, 8,298 were followed up for cognitive ability tests in 2003, 2005, 2007 and 2012. Out of 15,218 children born in 2000-2001, who were followed up for cognitive ability tests in 2003, 2005, 2007 and 2012, 214 were conceived artificially through IVF or ICSI. Standardised tests (British Ability Scales) were used at each stage to assess the children’s vocabulary skills (at three and five); reading at seven, and use of verbs at 11. The scores were compared with those of children who had been naturally conceived.

Analyses show that mothers and fathers are on average four to five years older, respectively, than parents of naturally conceived children. This group of parents is also likely to have a higher income and belong to a higher social class, with the mothers more likely to be highly educated and employed than mothers of naturally conceived babies. The study notes that these factors are ‘consistent and statistically significant’ and highlights that they are widely accepted as being linked with children with higher cognitive abilities in the early years.

Researcher Professor Melinda Mills, from the Department of Sociology, said: ‘The findings suggest that the positive effect of the family background of children conceived through artificial reproduction techniques “overrides” the risks of related poor health impairing their cognitive ability. Although artificially conceived babies have a higher risk of being born prematurely or as a multiple birth, we have found they also have parents who are older, better educated and from a higher income bracket.

‘These are all factors linked with better outcomes for children. What is significant is that this positive effect is over the long term up to the age of 11. The findings support other studies showing that on balance such fertility treatments do not impair a child’s higher thinking skills.’

Lead author Anna Barbuscia said: ‘The strong desire and considerable psychological and financial effort involved in having a child through artificial conception treatments undoubtedly contributes to more attentive parenting.

‘Parents may perceive their children as more fragile but once past the period of greatest risk, their parenting style may change to become more like other parents. This might account for the fact that the gap in higher cognitive ability has closed by the time both groups of children had reached the age of 11 with only slightly better scores for artificially conceived children at this later stage .’

The paper explains that since the first IVF baby was born in 1978, there has been a rapid increase in the use of artificial reproductive technology, with more than 5 million children conceived this way (up to 2012). To date, results on the long-term effects on children have been mixed. Some studies reported an increased risk of damage to their behavioural, social, emotional and cognitive development, as well as mental disorders or physical problems such as low birthweight and premature delivery.

By contrast, a series of systematic reviews concluded, however, that there were no developmental differences once the baby was a few weeks old. Other studies draw similar conclusions to the Oxford study, showing not only comparable but higher mental health and social development in IVF children.

Diagnosing miscarriage

If you see your GP or midwife because of vaginal bleeding or other symptoms of miscarriage, you may be referred to an early pregnancy unit at a hospital for tests. 

If you’re more than 18 weeks pregnant, you’ll usually be referred to the maternity unit at the hospital.


The hospital can carry out tests to confirm whether you’re having a miscarriage. The tests can also confirm whether there’s still some pregnancy tissue left in your womb (an incomplete or delayed miscarriage) or if all the pregnancy tissue has been passed out of your womb (a complete miscarriage).

The first test used is usually an ultrasond scan to check the development of your baby and look for a heartbeat. In most cases, this is usually carried out using a small probe inserted into the vagina (transvaginal ultrasound). This can feel a little uncomfortable but isn’t painful.

You may be able to have an external scan through your tummy if you prefer, although this method reduces the accuracy of the scan. Neither type of scan is dangerous to the baby and they don’t increase your risk of miscarriage.

You may also be offered blood tests to measure hormones associated with pregnancy, such as beta-human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) and progesterone. These may be repeated after 48 hours if:

  • the levels are borderline
  • the scan isn’t conclusive
  • it’s very early in your pregnancy

Sometimes a miscarriage can’t be confirmed immediately using ultrasound or blood testing. For example, a heartbeat may not be noticeable if your baby is at a very early stage of development (less than six weeks). If this is the case, you may be advised to have a further ultrasound or pregnancy test, or both, again in a week or two.

Recurrent miscarriages

If you’ve had three or more miscarriages in a row (recurrent miscarriages), further tests are often used to check for any underlying cause. However, no cause is found in about half of cases. These further tests are outlined below.

If you become pregnant, most units offer an early ultrasound scan and follow-up in the early stages to reassure and support parents.


If you’ve had a third miscarriage, it’s recommended that the foetus is tested for abnormalities in the chromosomes (blocks of DNA).

If a genetic abnormality is found, you and your partner can also be tested for abnormalities with your chromosomes that could be causing the problem, which is the rarest of known causes. This type of testing is known as karyotyping.

If karyotyping detects problems with your or your partner’s chromosomes, you can be referred to a clinical geneticist (gene expert).

They’ll be able to explain your chances of a successful pregnancy in the future and whether there are any fertility treatments, such as IVF that you could try. This type of advice is known as genetic counselling.

Ultrasound scans

A transvaginal ultrasound can be used to check the structure of your womb for any abnormalities. A second procedure may be used with a 3D ultrasound scanner to study your lower abdomen and pelvis to provide a more accurate diagnosis.

The scan can also check if you have a weakened cervix. This test can usually only be carried out when you become pregnant again, in which case you’ll usually be asked to come for a scan when you are between 10 and 12 weeks pregnant.

Blood testing

Your blood can be checked for high levels of the antiphospholipid (aPL) antibody and lupus anticoagulant. This test should be done twice, six weeks apart, when you’re not pregnant.

Antiphospholipid (aPL) antibodies are known to increase the chance of blood clots and alter the way the placenta attaches. These blood clots and changes can reduce the blood supply to the foetus, which can cause a miscarriage.

Missed or delayed miscarriage

Sometimes a miscarriage is diagnosed during a routine scan carried out as part of your antenatal care. A scan may reveal your baby has no heartbeat, or that your baby is too small for the date of your pregnancy. This is called a missed or delayed miscarriage.

Can You Be Infertile and Still Have a Period?


You may be wondering what the answer is to the question “can you be infertile and still have a period.” Please continue reading to find out more about this topic.
Menstruation as a Sign of Fertility
Having a regular menstrual cycle is considered a sign of normal reproductive health. For this reason, a woman getting a checkup or seeking help if she is having trouble conceiving can expect to be asked some questions about her menstrual cycle and what is normal for her. In some cases, changes to a woman’s menstrual cycle may indicate a problem that can interfere with her ability to conceive.
Can You Be Infertile and Still Have a Period: The Answer
You can have a period and be infertile. The fact that a woman is menstruating doesn’t necessarily mean that she can conceive and carry a baby to term. For example, if a woman isn’t ovulating regularly, she will have a harder time getting pregnant. Some women continue to have periods but don’t ovulate at all. This medical condition is known as anovulation.
Some women have irregular menstrual cycles where they may have periods that are quite close together at certain times and then skip some months entirely. Teenage girls who have just started to menstruate may not have regular periods for the first couple of years. Once their hormone levels start to regulate themselves better, their periods should start to develop a regular pattern. When oligomenorrhea occurs in adult women, it may be caused by problems with hormone production, which throws off the normal menstrual cycle.
This condition may also be caused by problems with ovulation. The lack of a regular menstrual cycle can indicate a fertility problem that means it will be more difficult for the woman to conceive. In a situation where a woman only ovulates a few times per year, her chances of being able to get pregnant are greatly reduced.
When a woman stops menstruating completely, this condition is known as amenorrhea. There are a number of reasons why a woman may stop menstruating and the doctor will need to rule out pregnancy as a cause first. If the pregnancy test is negative, then other possibilities for the lack of menstruation can be considered. Excessive stress and extreme athletic activity can cause a woman to miss periods. Losing a lot of weight rapidly may also interfere with the monthly cycle. Finally, taking some types of medications (narcotics and some drugs used to treat psychiatric conditions) may cause amenorrhea.
Trying to Get Pregnant
Some women don’t think much about their menstrual cycle until they are considering starting or adding to their family. Having an irregular cycle is something that they have simply lived with. Skipping periods sometimes or stopping menstruating entirely may well have been something they considered to be a positive outcome.
Even women who have always had cycles that ran like clockwork and who found it hard to become pregnant may have wondered “can you be infertile and still have a period?” Since the two are not related, menstruating regularly doesn’t necessarily mean that conception will occur quickly or at all.
The fact that a woman does have regular periods can help to rule out some types of fertility issues if she and her partner decide to see an infertility specialist. Keeping track of the menstrual cycle for several months can give the doctor much-needed information to work with. The specialist will want to know about any changes in the length of the cycle that have occurred and if the woman’s periods themselves have changed.